It's

Series of vulgar words

Maybe I could word it up as retribution or avengement...but as much as I don't trust to happenstance it got me to belief it existed. It is there, clinging to something I call the past. The old angst went away as swiftly as it could, though I forgot to wash it off resulting a leftover glow, and it got reignited back. Sublime..Yes the eve of Raya was eventful, the morning after papi set out for Kedah (apologies again..) I deliberated on staying mellow throughout the whole day. But like he always said I am a strong girl, so the boundaries were pushed and I succeeded in masking a nonchalant mood in front of everyone (but I failed to impress a particular person, he knows me through and through) and it got me a few plus points after that. Great times, good vibes. (I got ever so bashful 2-year-old cousin smitten to me) The old tradition continues, members expanding, youths growing and the adults started to grey. Phenomenal. After break fast the family gathered around for group prayers and it got me there. That's it. Shot me right there. Let the heart fiddle with my feelings and boy, I was intoxicated. (of what I am not really sure of) Headed to the museum worthy mall, pranced around laughing and giggling like an overexcited dressed up wannabe (with a blistered feet). Passe. Tired of the faux act, slept at the mall (yes on the floor like a freaking beggar) and woke up hearing the sound of fire-crackin'. Played GTA with the XY cousins, after many failed attempts at the kitchen. (EPIC FAIL) Home sweet home an hour after midnight with the impasse' feeling..and wet-faced. Chatboxes running between me and the guy #1, fag friend and guy #2. Sad occurence with guy #2, another session of exchanging sad notions between both of us, sad vibes, sad endings. Apologies... Guy 1# and fag friend made quite an attempt to faze me. I remain unfazed.

But I was at least a bit bemused after 3 am thanks to guy #1.

Truth Table

Past recollections, vague memories...

I profess, a stuck up loner is what I am after all...as I perceive that I have the knack of keeping things low and distinct. Things have been going quite well, (though the solemn mood still lingers around) and though it wasn't as smooth-sailing as I bargained for, but my prospects remains concrete. I have been salivating everything the future has in store for me, just inferring that I am (semi) ready to undertake the next stage of life endeavours. Again, who would've thought I do actually invest my time reshuffling my notions and making attempts to evoke fresh rationalizations....yes it is quirky when you think about it. Fair enough, I myself began to understand that I've been taken as an understatement. For the crowd might discern me as a shallow being, much to my selfless needs and infatuation towards everything materialistic, but I can half-assure you (no promises on this!) that I reserved only few thoughts on painful things and seldom let myself wallow in self-pity towards convictions from God-greatest creations on me. Half-God right? (hihi) Of course not you dweeb.

After many attempts trying to reinstate the savvy side of my mind, slowly I begin to realise that I am able to push my restraints further, in order to succeed. In life as I delved through my minds and constantly engross myself with random soliloquys and willy-willy musings from the scion of Earth-governers (really, I'm just showing off my vocab ROFL) and it made me realise that we are actually quite homologous to one another, having a trait which is shared by everyone, (no matter how one affirms the others that he/she is different) and it is called hope. No matter how devastated one might get, no matter how bad your hopes betrayed you, how worse the agony of self-hoping might affect you, hope is something you can't live without. Hope, whether it is in a sense of Utopia (meaning, unachievable longing) or not, will always be by your side. Love is hope. Money is hope. Happiness is some form of hope. Hope is dope. Don't we all hope?
 
Yes I came to the sense that with what I pampered myself won't last forever and (well, this ain't my favourite part) I predict when forever actually ends I'll be rendering my flaws to everyone...(something that I was never proud of) but well, hoping that the wait will be long (see, I'm hoping!). For now, I am fixating myself on beatific things and enjoying the youth though I will soon, I promise, try to not overwhelm everyone with my covetous side. (well I'm not sure if that word exists...but lets give it a try) Bearing in mind to strive my best to get all this done, and yes...maybe cancel out few things (if you're thinking that I'd be scratching out the "no marriage" part, then we're on a right track...but it's indefinite. The decision is very vague) and I leave the decision for the forthcoming to decide. Henceforth, before the woeful feeling started to make its way, here I am hoisting my white flag to other things, concentrating on having an erudite mind (SPM prevails) and uh-oh, garments? (cue loopy face)  

If that's the way then yeah

It's official. I'm 17. So as to say I should feel euphoric, well not so. Again, it happened at such ungodly hour. Inspirations injecting in...at times when the blues are kicking in. Not smashing at all. (insert clicking noise) Daydreaming I was all about these days, and its funny that everytime it happens it left me feeling blank and...distorted. Ya dig? Yknow it ain't your fault if you ain't catching my drift...but tellin' you one thing, things I daydream about ain't far fetched at all. Embarasses me to the point that I humiliated myself. I hate feeling embarassed. (I'm not shy though, mind you!) Good God. I'm ending this chapter. Chronicles of me and the previous lover seems to meet its end soon. Still...never fails to make me ge all agitated everytime a conversation is brought upon between us. Him and his sour mouth. Me and my angry self. Or the other way around. Bad combination. Sorry for being such a nuisance boy, but we missed it. Ain't never gonna click. But the society seems to not get it...chemistry is important ya know? Them blaming me...like they know everything. Tsk tsk? But those league of self-absorbed beings ain't gonna shatter me any bit. Takes more than that to do so. Lesson learnt folks, think wisely before making decisions! Some things may be good when you first get your hands on it, but it ain't staying good as gold forever. Lucky you if it does. God bless.

Laid-back Doers are friendly, happy persons. They enjoy being together with other people. Smart, eloquent, witty and charming, they like to be the centre of attraction. They do not like to be alone. Their zest for life ensures that others feel well in their company and that they quickly get to know people. Laid-back Doers get the best out of every moment - many people of this type have a gift for making their whole life one big party. Boredom is unknown in their presence because they are very good at carrying others away with their enthusiasm, their good mood and their optimism.

Abstract thinking and profound philosophising about the meaning of life appeal less to Laid-back Doers. They are pragmatic, realistic and live completely in the here and now. At work too, they prefer it when it’s all go and they can act out their purposeful manner to the full. They have no problem handling several tasks at once and they blossom out in crisis situations! A varied field of activity with a lot of social contacts is just the right thing for them. One will also seldom find them inactive in their spare time; due to their open, curious nature, they mostly have many hobbies and interests. They are not afraid of the unknown: as they are flexible and creative, they quickly adjust to new situations and make the best of them. They sometimes come into conflict with strict rules or hierarchies by which they quickly feel constrained and against which they rebel.

As friends, Laid-back Doers are generous, helpful persons who attach great importance to harmonious relationships and a good atmosphere. Their sociable manner means that they have a large circle of friends and they love having the house full of many different types of guests. They are happy to give in to their spontaneous moods and fancies in the just one or two important things. This makes them appear somewhat unpredictable to those with a quieter nature. When it really matters, you can rely on them one hundred percent. As partners, they are creative, impetuous and imaginative - as long as their partner knows how to fascinate them. They can hardly stand boredom or routine in a relationship. They do not like conflicts at all; if a relationship becomes too strenuous or involves too much effort, they tend to withdraw from the partnership and start to look for a new partner. However, if one manages to keep their curiosity alive in the long term and surprise them again and again, one has a loyal and loving partner.

Adjectives which describe your type: extroverted, practical, emotional, spontaneous, enthusiastic, friendly, playful, lively, talkative, nonchalant, tolerant, happy, pleasant, generous, flexible, wily, attractive, relationship-oriented, generous, adventurous, fun-loving, creative, helpful, action-loving, casual, sociable, open, sensitive, touchy, erratic, curious, noncommittal, action-loving